


Lensherr Blood

by lindenwaverly



Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, F/F, Fuck the retcons Magneto is their dad, Sibling Relationship, what if the x-men just had fun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:55:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24597103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lindenwaverly/pseuds/lindenwaverly
Summary: “Daughter. I see you are consorting with the enemy once again.”“I thought the enemy was humans, Erik.” She sipped her wine. The trick with Erik was just to be thoroughly unimpressed with him until he pissed off again.“I will not give my blessing to this relationship.”“Well it’s a shame you came and found us here,” said Wanda lightly, “rather than in my apartment, or Jean’s apartment, or anywhere you might be able to fully make your presence felt without starting a shouting match with your archnemesis. Because you do so hate Charles. It would be terrible if he turned up right now and started trying to appeal to your human nature. Oh look, here he is!”Wanda gets brunch with her siblings, lunch with her girlfriend and her father, and drunk with the X-Men. That's it, that's the fic. This is meant to be the first part in a series of vignettes about the X-Men and various relatioships
Relationships: Clint Barton/Pietro Maximoff, Jean Grey/Wanda Maximoff, Logan (X-Men)/Scott Summers, Lorna Dane/Alex Summers, Remy LeBeau/Rogue
Comments: 4
Kudos: 55





	Lensherr Blood

_Monday morning, Lensherr sibling standing breakfast date_

“I can’t believe I’m the only straight Lensherr,” said Lorna, dramatically throwing herself into the booth opposite Pietro and Wanda. “I mean, really – I’ve got the green hair and the piercings and the bad-girl attitude, and yet I’m the heterosexual? The universe doesn’t make sense sometimes.”

“Sister, dear.” Pietro’s voice was like ice, but there was no tightening of his jaw and nothing on the table was vibrating. “It is so lovely to see you too. Why yes, I am doing well, thank you for asking.”

“Really,” said Lorna, ignoring him as she tore into the bread, “I’m thankful. I may have got Dad’s powers, but at least I didn’t inherit his propensity for life-ruining relationships.”

“You’re dating Alex Summers,” Wanda pointed out, rescuing a piece of bread from Lorna’s knife-like fingernails. “Who’s currently evil, or was evil or something. If anyone’s on track to repeat the whole Xavier Thing, it’s you.”

“I’m not dating Summers,” scowled Lorna. “We’re over. Forever.”

“Sure,” said Pietro, making the water glass sing at an irritating pitch until Wanda reached over and made him stop. “We’ve heard that one before. Didn’t one of those annoying X-Couples just get married? The metal man and that irritating Pryde girl?”

“No, she dumped him at the wedding,” said Wanda, “but then Rogue and Gambit got married instead. Maybe if you and Alex get engaged we’ll finally see Longshot put a ring on Dazzler.”

“They’re broken up too,” said Lorna. “And why are you too the worst siblings in the world?”

Pietro shrugged. “Lensherr blood.”

Lorna raised her glass. “I hear that. Anyway, seeing as Pietro’s probably going to rip me to shreds if I dare ask about him and Hawkeye – “

“Correct, sister dear – “

“How about you tell us about Jean, Wanda?”

Wanda looked down at her place setting. “She is – “ _Order and chaos,_ that’s how Stephen described them, but Wanda had never been chaotic, not really. There was a logic to the things she did, if not one that could be followed. Cause and effect were just human illusions – to the fundamental stuff of the universe, they didn’t matter. _For a symbol to be a cause require that the affected entity determine it’s own response,_ and Wanda was enough of a witch to know that everything was symbolic, everything had meaning. _Order_ was the human mind’s way of saying _this I can understand, chaos_ means _this I cannot follow._ She and Jean were bigger than that, or had been.

But it was also less than that. She and Jean had both sacrificed their power at the direction of men, and dealt with their fear afterwards. Jean ascended to the white room for the lover that betrayed her; Wanda remade the world for the brother who wanted to control her. Every day they had to perform a level of emotional calm that neither of them felt. But not with each other.

“She is calming,” she says at last. “And she brings me flowers, and she’s never looked at me like I’m a prize or a saviour.” When she looked up, Lorna’s face was soft and searching, and even Pietro had stilled slightly.

“To Wanda and Jean,” said Lorna, and Pietro raised his glass too, and they toasted as if they were a proper family.

“So,” said Lorna, her smile turning wicked. “That’s Wanda’s love life done. So, does Clint really hit the target every time, Pietro?”

“I will break Summers out of jail,” said Pietro. “Don’t think I won’t.”

Lorna just laughed.

* * *

_Monday lunchtime_

Being part of the Lensherr family came with many unexpected highlights. Lorna’s gentle teasing, her laugh, her protective fury. Pietro’s quick, sharp wit and the hidden soft edges. The unexpected gift of Luna, and Billy and Teddy.

The downside of it, of course, was that being part of the Lensherr family meant being related to Erik Lensherr.

She and Jean were sitting on the lawns of the X-Mansion, splitting a bottle of rose and laughing about the latest Honey Badger mishap, when a dark shadow covered the sun. There was Erik, his cloak billowing (Lorna had told her that he’d sewn the whole thing through with metal threads, so he could control how it moved) and his helmet shadowing his face.

“Daughter. I see you are consorting with the enemy once again.”

“I thought the enemy was humans, Erik.” She sipped her wine. The trick with Erik was just to be thoroughly unimpressed with him until he pissed off again.

“I will not give my blessing to this relationship.” He sunk lower to the ground, boots brushing the grass.

“Well it’s a shame you came and found us here,” said Wanda lightly, “rather than in my apartment, or Jean’s apartment, or anywhere you might be able to fully make your presence felt without starting a shouting match with your archnemesis. It would be terrible if Charles turned up right now and started trying to appeal to your human nature. Oh look, here he is!”

“Magneto!” howled Charles Xavier, wheeling his way across the lawn. “This is not the way!”

“Don’t worry,” said Wanda. “He’s only here to disapprove of my love life. Normal parent-child stuff, no supervillainy.”

“You must let your children be free, Erik,” Charles keened. “Manipulating them like this undermines their agency.”

Jean discreetly raised an eyebrow and coughed.

“You’d think that finding out he wasn’t here to destroy the mansion would make him take it down a peg,” said Wanda.

“He’s really only got three emotional settings,” said Jean. “Smug manipulation, paternalistic condescension, and dealing with Magneto. Oh hey, do you think they ever – ?”

“Ever what?”

“You know.” Jean waggled her eyebrows in a distinctly unsexy way.

“Ugh, ugh, no Jean!”

“I mean, they do have tension – “

“That’s my dad! And they’re so old. And can Xavier even get it up? No. No. No!”

“Are we talking about Xavier and Lensherr boning?” said Clint, appearing from nowhere and landing on the picnic mat with ill grace. “Because I totally think they did.”

“Clint!” Wanda hugged him. “Where did you come from?”

Jean was looking at Clint, and looking at Wanda, and doing a very weird pouty thing.

“Pietro dropped me off,” said Clint. “Said it would be nice to have a double date.”

“I did _not,”_ said Pietro, appearing just as suddenly as Clint had. “I said that you two were on a date, and then _this_ idiot insisted on coming here and meeting you.”

“Yeah, yeah, he loves me.” Clint grabbed Pietro, who seemed to be having some kind of fit – half twitching away, half-leaning into Clint’s touch – and kissed him firmly on the cheek. Next to her, Jean relaxed.

“So, uh.” Clint gestured at the shouted debate between Charles and Erik, which had now moved over to the patio. “Do you want me to, like, call the Avengers?”

“ _No,”_ Wanda and Jan said in unison. Clint threw up his hands.

“All right, all right! What’s wrong with the Avengers? Three out of four of the people here have been Avengers.”

Wanda rolled her eyes. “Yes, Clint, because why just deal with Erik and Charles when we could also deal with _Tony and Steve?”_

“Oh, you irresponsible X-Men,” said Jean in a passable, if high-pitched, Captain America. “Maybe there wouldn’t be so many mutant terrorists if you all let us police your every moment.”

"As someone who has never been near the Phoenix force in his life, clearly I am uniquely qualified to deal with it," said Pietro in a completely terrible Tony Stark.

“All right,” said Clint, not breaking his sunny grin. “So there’s, uh, a bit of bitterness there? But – and don’t take this the wrong way – maybe I’m just confused by the fact that this is a mansion full of superheroes and yet no one is attacking Magneto.”

“He has been on the X-Men before,” said Pietro. “Most of them have worked with him, at some point.”

Jean waved her arms. “You don’t get it. Is Magneto the worst? Sure. But he’s like – he’s like this weird uncle figure who occasionally tries to murder us but we know he doesn’t really mean it, you know? Ninety percent of the stuff he does is just to get Charles’s attention so that they can debate each other and play chess again and feel very serious and manly. I swear, fighting the Brotherhood was always the worst back in the day because afterwards Charles would be such a douche for about a week.”

“Also because we were evil,” said Pietro.

“Yeah, sure, that too,” said Jean. “Mutantkind must make friends not enemies, violence is not the answer, yada yada yada.”

“I am so glad I’m not a mutant,” said Clint. “I mean, no offence, but wow.”

“Don’t be superior,” said Wanda. “Our Avengers family gets split up every few years when Tony and Steve divorce, and then we all punch each other in an ugly custody battle.”

“I always try to be dead for those occasions,” said Clint. “Hey, I stole a bottle of whiskey from one of Stephen Strange’s house parties once. Wanna open that up and get weird?”

* * *

_Early evening, halfway through a bottle of whiskey_

The problem with occasionally crashing in a house that your ex lived in was that occasionally you ran into your ex.

Jean was making her way down the hallway, hands against the wall to steady her because whatever was in that bottle was not for human consumption, when she tripped. She expected to go over, braced herself for it, but then there was a strong arm holding her upright.

“Hey, Jean,” said Scott. His breath was warm across her face. “How you holding up there?”

“Good. Very, very good. Super good. Hah, get it? Super, because we’re – “ She was laughing too hard to stay up, and she pressed her face into Scott’s shoulder. No, that was bad. Very bad. “I am drinking. With Wanda, my girlfriend. You know Wanda, don’t you?”

Scott was smiling at her. No, that was wrong. Scott was doing a thing that was meant to look like a very polite smile.

“Jesus Christ,” said a voice, and then Wolverine was padding out of the room she was next to in just his boxers. “Why are all you X-Men such lightweights?”

“Um, maybe because we don’t all have self-regenerating livers, Logan?” said Scott. “How do you even get drunk, anyway?”

“It was magical whiskey,” said Jean. “Hello Logan, why are you in Scott’s room in your underwear?” There was a long, significant pause, during which Jean focused intently on not falling over.

“We were moving furniture,” said Scott.

Logan smiled. “That’s right. We were moving the bed around, and then it got really, _really_ hot and I decided to get out of my clothes.”

“Logan.” Scott’s face was even tighter now, and his voice sounded pained. “Please go back inside.”

“Are you coming too?”

“ _Please.”_

“All right, all right, keep your shirt on. Or don’t, whatever.” Logan flicked them off and shut the door.

“Do you need some help getting back to the room?”

“Nope. We are in the one with all the books. The – the library! Yes.” She set off confidently, and then stumbled again. Scott grabbed her.

“Ok, I’m going to give you some help anyway, because the library is _that_ way.” He pulled her along, and she followed him.

“So you’re having a party?” said Scott.

Jean nodded. “Yes. We have – cheese. It’s very grownup.” It wasn’t technically a lie. Pietro had gone and gotten some cheddar after Clint had smoked three joints and gotten the munchies. It was probably stolen, but it was also very romantic.

Then Scott opened the door to the library. Jean got the impression he probably didn’t believe her anymore, about the grown-upness. Pietro was waving a laser pointer around with one hand and with the other was spinning the desk chair on which Clint was kneeling, waving glowsticks. His shirt was off, and _Property of Quicksilver_ was written across it in lipstick. There was also orange dust down his front. Wanda and Remy were trying to throw Cheetos into his mouth, which explained the orange dust. Rogue was drinking from the bottle.

“Scott’s here!” she announced, and was met with three desultory cheers, a snort (Pietro) and a Cheeto to the head (Wanda).

“Jesus Christ,” said Scott. He sounded pained. “This is a school.”

“Oh yeah, you guys went to school here,” said Rogue, giggling. “That must have been weird. Hey honey, did you go to school?”

“I’ve been to schools,” said Remy. “At least twice.”

“Come and join us,” said Jean, pulling away from Scott and trying to fall in Wanda’s vague direction. She landed on Rogue instead, which was almost as nice. Maybe Remy could share. Maybe Remy could _join._ “You can bring Logan if you’re done moving furniture.”

Remy broke into peals of laughter. “I’m sorry, _what?”_

“They were moving the bed around,” said Jean “and then Logan got hot and – mmmff.” Scott had crossed the room and clamped his hand over her mouth. Remy had turned puce.

“I don’t like the way my room looks,” said Scott, severely, “and Logan was being a good friend.”

“I bet he was,” said Pietro. “I hear there are many… _benefits_ to being friends with Logan.”

Rogue nodded. “Three am is always the time that me and Remy decide to re-arrange the furniture.”

“I am going back to bed,” said Scott, stiffly. “And I expect you all to be reasonable adults about this in the morning.” He turned and strode away, ignoring the flying Cheetos that followed him.

“Oh my god,” said Jean, realisation hitting her like an anvil. “Oh my god – do you think – guys, I think they might have been having sex.”

Clint, doubled over from laughter, finally fell off the chair.

* * *

_Tuesday morning_

“Kill me,” said Jean, pulling herself deeper into a pile of blankets. “Just – launch my body into space or something.” A ringing silence followed that remark, and she cracked an eyelid. “What, too soon to joke about?”

“No, no,” said Wanda, lying next to her. “It was funny. But if I laugh, I’m going to throw up.”

“Oh,” said Jean, and then, thinking about it – “You’re probably going to throw up anyway.”

“You’re right, move.” Wanda rushed to the bathroom, and for a few minutes Jean lay in bed, trying to avoid sunlight and listening to her beloved retching.

“We’re never listening to Clint again,” said Wanda.

“Oh for sure, never. Are you done throwing up? I think it might be my turn.”

“Stick your head out the window.”

“Scott will be upset if I vomit on a child.”

“Aim at Scott, then.”

Jean managed to force herself over and cracked the window. Outside, Logan was frog-marching a group of terrified children towards the swamp area, shouting about readiness for any combat situation. Rogue was flying in circles up in the clouds. She’d probably unabsorbed the hangover or something. It was a beautiful day, marred only slightly when Magneto rose into view in front of her.

He glowered. She stared.

“I may throw up on you,” she said.

Erik sighed. “I need to speak to my daughter.”

“How are you still here?” said Jean. “Did you spend the night? Oh – oh my god, _did_ you do it?”

“Do what?”

“It.” She smashed her fingers together. “With Charles.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You totally did. Oh my god. Hey Wanda, your dad’s here and he definitely just fucked my pseudo-dad!”

“That’s wonderful,” said Wanda. “I’ve always wanted a close-knit family. Babe, it’s your turn to throw up.”

“I think I’m good.”

“Could I please come in?” said Erik, and Jean sighed and pushed the window sash up all the way. It was worth it just to see Erik awkwardly clamber through the gap.

“I have been discussing the situation with Charles,” he said, “and he has convinced me that this union could be a very good thing. He seems to think the two of you may balance each other out.”

“I don’t know,” said Wanda. “I’ve been seriously considering going crazy again. Have you properly considered the damage the two of us could do together?”

Erik sniffed. “I hope that with some persuading the two of you may eventually put your talents to use for the mutant cause.”

“I _am_ going to throw up,” said Jean, in a tone of wonder.

“And more than that, I am relieved that the two of you seem – happy.” He clasped Wanda on the shoulder, and she managed to disguise her flinch as a cough. “I am very pleased that at least one of my children is in a stable, healthy relationship.”

“Oh god,” said Wanda. “What did you say to Pietro?”

“Don’t ruin it,” said Jean. “You were having a sweet moment. Go on, Erik, you approve of us both and think we’re wonderful together.”

“I have not had an opportunity to speak to your brother alone yet,” said Erik, whose approval of their relationship apparently didn’t include the need to acknowledge Jean. “Rest assured that both his and Lorna’s relationships will receive the same scrutiny that yours did. I do not play favourite.”

“Well consider me very much _not_ fucking assured,” snapped Wanda. “You abandoned us as children and then recruited us into your terrorist group. You do not get to bless our unions. Pietro is happy, actually finally happy, and Clint is very, very good for him. And Lorna is – Lorna is single! What can you possibly have to disapprove of there?”

“I thought she was dating the Summers boy,” said Erik.

“They broke up when he turned evil,” said Jean. “Possibly before. No one really pays attention.”

Erik stared at Jean, then at Wanda. His mouth was a comical O. “You mean you haven’t _heard?”_


End file.
